{"id":1999,"date":"2019-05-03T17:00:08","date_gmt":"2019-05-04T00:00:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.megamorphosismagazine.com\/?p=1999"},"modified":"2019-05-07T21:15:43","modified_gmt":"2019-05-08T04:15:43","slug":"finding-my-voice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.megamorphosismagazine.com\/issue-7\/finding-my-voice","title":{"rendered":"Finding My Voice"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
by Angela Manzanares<\/em><\/pre>\n\n\n\n
How to Beat Fear and Live Out Our Purpose<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Swallowed in the crowd that filled the church auditorium a few years ago, God woke my heart for what felt like the very first time. \u201cWhat would your life look like without any fear?\u201d He challenged me in love. \u201cI have plans for you beyond your wildest dreams, but you\u2019re going to have to trust Me with your whole heart in order for Me to take you there. Think of individuals that\u2019ve made a meaningful impact on history\u2014they were just normal people that weren\u2019t afraid to serve, lead, and speak up when they needed to. I have big plans for you. I\u2019m a God of the impossible, and it\u2019s time for you to start living like it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
 At 20 years old, my eyes were finally opened to limitless possibilities. Sure, growing up in church taught me that God could do the impossible, but it wasn\u2019t until this specific encounter that I started to dream like I believed it. Excitement of truth set my heart on fire, and I started burning for so much more. So long were the days of chasing \u201cthe American dream\u201d of finishing college, simply getting a job I didn\u2019t care about just to pay the bills, settling down, and dying unfulfilled. I wanted my life to have eternal significance. I wanted to do whatever I could to make God the norm in our culture. I felt driven to be a positive role model, to be a voice of truth and encouragement in a world so heavy with darkness and misguidedness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\tWith this passion coming alive in me, I boldly decided \u201cOkay, God. You can have all of me. Do whatever You want with my life.\u201d This sparked the beginning of a new way of living for me. Following this road of fresh thinking, I started to daydream about publishing books, speaking all over the world encouraging others to live fearless lives\u2014ultimately leading souls into a relationship with our Creator. Awakened to my calling, I couldn\u2019t continue living life according to my own, safe plans anymore. It\u2019s always a challenge to not remain confined to the mediocrity of my comfort zones, but it was important for me to lay everything down and accept God\u2019s invitation to experience the literal adventure of a lifetime.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\tUp until that point, I always played it safe, always too afraid to take risks out of fear of failure. Making excuses, I shied away from using my gifts and talents because blending in was much more comfortable. Fully surrendering to God meant confronting all of those fears that held me back from who He had really made me to be. I committed to myself that I would never let fear be the reason I didn\u2019t do something. \u201cIf it scares me, I\u2019ll do it,\u201d I told myself. That set me on a journey of laying down my life, which has led me to finding my identity, my purpose, and my voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
LAYING IT ALL DOWN<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
The first thing I needed to surrender to God was my fear of being single. Ever since having my first boyfriend at 14, I always felt the need to be in a relationship. I used relationships with guys as a source of security since I didn\u2019t feel complete without the affirmation of someone wanting me and being committed to me. At that time, I was in a 3-year relationship with plans of getting married once I finished college. I had my future all mapped out. But my whole life, it had always been me, God, and a guy<\/em>. I grew up singing songs claiming, \u201cAll I need is You, Lord,\u201d but I wanted to honestly live that out. It was in no way easy, but I laid down that relationship. For me, it also represented laying down my security, my \u201cplanned out\u201d future, and my own desires. In another moment of surrender I said, \u201cGod, here you go. I have no strings attached to anything. It\u2019s just you and me now. Do whatever You want with my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\tEnding that relationship and jumping into singleness was one of the hardest but best decisions I\u2019ve ever made. There were painfully lonely times, but God became my comfort. I stumbled through worry and uncertainty, but God became my peace. And instead of experiencing an imperfect version of love through another person, I experienced perfect love from the One true source of it. Not long after this set of breakthroughs, God began to lead me further away from other fears. He told me \u201cI\u2019m so proud of you for all the fears you\u2019re overcoming, but there\u2019s another big one\u2014your fear of singing. I want to use you to bless others in worship, but you\u2019re being selfish by letting fear keep that gift locked up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
STEPPING OUT <\/h2>\n\n\n\n
I had no clue what I was getting into or what it would look like, but I took another leap and said \u201cyes\u201d to singing. A few, short weeks later came the perfect set-up. The church I attended at the time had youth leader worship team tryouts. I\u2019ll never forget the drive over\u2014trembling with my stomach in complete knots, trying to mentally prepare myself to sing in front of people for one of the first times in my life. Nervous and afraid, I went with this conviction in my heart, \u201cGod, whatever You want to do with my life and my voice, do it. Whether I make the team or not, I\u2019m doing this for You and to show fear that it doesn\u2019t control me.\u201d By the end of auditioning, everybody was shocked that I could sing (including myself, to be honest) and I made the team, which opened up a whole new world of worship-leading and musicianship for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\tThe stretching revealed deeper insecurities. And there was one day in particular that marked a more defining turning point for me in my battle with fear. In that moment, God revealed to me the root of why so many of us shrink back from our callings. Putting my makeup on in my bathroom getting ready one day, I felt so nervous about leading worship at a church prayer gathering the next night. I had some kind of a bug, my voice was giving out, and although it was my 3rd time on stage that week, leading this time around felt like more pressure than singing the usual background vocals. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\tStepping out from what I was accustomed to, I found myself shaking, feeling small and completely unqualified. For a split second, the thought crossed my mind,\u201cIs this worth it? Why do I put myself through the nerves and the nausea? God, I can\u2019t go on like this forever. Help me.\u201d Feeling layers of fear, I had a decision to make. Should I say it was a good run and plan to close the worship-leading chapter of my life before it had a chance to take off, or should I continue to fight the fear head-on until every last bit of it was gone? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\tI felt like I needed to be perfect. I thought, \u201cThe world has so many other gifted people, and I\u2019m just some random girl that decided to be obedient. What could I have to offer?\u201d I didn\u2019t want to disappoint people. I felt like every worship set I led had to turn into a super powerful, spontaneous set like the Bethel<\/em> videos I saw on YouTube. But that\u2019s when God told me, \u201cYour worship doesn\u2019t need to look like anyone else\u2019s. You don\u2019t need to be the best singer or worship leader out there for Me to love your worship. You\u2019re learning. Give yourself the time and grace to grow. If you\u2019re fighting your way through this fear and can only manage to sing the simplest song imperfectly, that is more than enough for Me. That is beautiful, costly worship.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
THE FIGHT TO FREEDOM<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
God\u2019s words hit home like usual, and I started singing the lyrics to \u201cYou Make Me Brave\u201d by Amanda Cook until I was shouting them, and until I believed. He helped me get to the roots of my fear so it could no longer control me. I began to realize I buried myself with all these different pressures that so many of us experience once we step out where He leads. Singing in surrender sparked truth within me and I thought, \u201cWhy on earth would I let fear rob me of what I was made to do? God, You spoke to me. You called me to this, so help me face and overcome this fear once and for all.\u201d For the sake of obedience, of the refusal to let fear win, and of my hope to someday encourage other people battling fear, I waged war (against fear) with worship in my bathroom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\tWithin moments, all of this pressure, comparison, and anxiety started to vanish. Immediately I felt a rush of freedom\u2014the freedom to learn, the freedom to not be perfect, and the freedom to just be myself. The next night ended up being one of my top favorite times ever leading worship. Without all the nerves in the way, I was able to actually sing out what was inside of me. I remember looking around, seeing a room full of people singing, shouting, cheering, dancing, and excited about what God was doing in our lives and in our city. I experienced a new level of freedom I hadn\u2019t felt before. I felt so alive in that moment, and every word I sang felt like driving another nail into fear\u2019s coffin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\tIt\u2019s been about 5 years, and worship-leading has become one of the most unexpected and beautiful journeys of my entire life. I\u2019ve been honored to lead at different churches, conferences, and have been a part of my church\u2019s team at Jesus Culture Sacramento for almost 4 years now. Before I let God in, singing always gave me intense anxiety; it\u2019s been so rewarding to find one of my greatest passions on the other side of that fear. But it hasn\u2019t come without a fight. If there\u2019s one thing I\u2019ve learned, it\u2019s that Satan tries his hardest to keep us too afraid and insecure to live out God\u2019s plans for us in the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\tGod showed me that I have a voice. And now that I\u2019m secure in the truth, I want to use what He gave me to stand on the other side of a victory and be a resounding reminder that you were made to be brave too. You were made to be free. It\u2019s time to leave behind the pressures of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and striving. There is no fear that has any right to control you. It\u2019s time to let God breathe on the little spark in your heart until it\u2019s a raging, unstoppable fire that won\u2019t let you die alone in comfort. Just like He showed me, your voice is a weapon, and it\u2019s time to use it. Even if you\u2019re trembling, have no clue what you\u2019re doing, and feel completely unqualified, I encourage you to just start somewhere. One of the greatest lessons I\u2019ve learned is that He can only help you \u201cwalk on water\u201d when you finally decide to take the first step. What would your life look like if fear didn\u2019t stop you?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
by Angela Manzanares How to Beat Fear and Live Out Our Purpose Swallowed in the crowd that filled the church auditorium a few years ago, God woke my heart for…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2000,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[102,45,80],"tags":[],"powerkit_post_featured":[95,94,92,96],"yoast_head":"\nFinding My Voice - Megamorphosis Magazine by Jenene Stafford<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.megamorphosismagazine.com\/issue-7\/finding-my-voice\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Finding My Voice - Megamorphosis Magazine by Jenene Stafford\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"by Angela Manzanares How to Beat Fear and Live Out Our Purpose Swallowed in the crowd that filled the church auditorium a few years ago, God woke my heart for…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.megamorphosismagazine.com\/issue-7\/finding-my-voice\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Megamorphosis Magazine by Jenene Stafford\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-05-04T00:00:08+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2019-05-08T04:15:43+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.megamorphosismagazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/Angela-and-Friends-Edited-1160x1547.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1160\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1547\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Megamorphosis Magazine Team\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Megamorphosis Magazine Team\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"10 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.megamorphosismagazine.com\/issue-7\/finding-my-voice\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.megamorphosismagazine.com\/issue-7\/finding-my-voice\",\"name\":\"Finding My Voice - 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