When I think of being undone, I think messy; I think screaming; I think dancing; I think outrageous singing; I think extravagance; and I think of a deep unraveling.
When Jesus was on the cross, He was completely undone before the Father. His death and resurrection give the greatest undone moment in human history. Something in us dies every time we become undone before the Father. Whether it’s bringing Him the shame you’re carrying, crying out to save a marriage, praying for cancer to be healed, or discernment on moving to a new town, you will leave changed when you become undone. Your heart will begin beating again but to a new rhythm.
When we bring our hearts before him, we too, die ourselves, in order to gain life. When I have truly become undone before the Father, I find myself walking away with new breath in my lungs. In a sense, it’s like I’ve entered into Jesus’ resurrection.
There is no better place to be undone than in the secret place, the moments where the door shuts and it’s just you and the Lord. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6 to “go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”
Have you ever read that and wondered if maybe Jesus meant far more than just our bedroom?
I believe there are moments when the door shuts, and how we intimately connect with the Lord will forever just be between us and Him.
However, I also believe there are powerful secret place moments where we can walk out of the room and share our experiences with each other. This exchange reminds me of beautiful family traditions. Imagine growing up without any Christmas Eve or Christmas morning traditions. Your family celebrated the day in a very basic way without any intentionality. But then you fell in love, got married and you married into a family with deep rooted Christmas traditions. Each year now, this new family you are apart of shares and imparts what they have done for years together with you. You are changed because you never knew that a day could be celebrated with purpose, fun, intentionality, and joy!
I find the same to be true with our undone moments where our room door is shut. No doubt this can happen in our actual bedroom—I have countless times. I believe there is an even greater undone moment where the Spirit leads you and you unravel beyond your bedroom. For my own unraveling, I’ve found what is most important is that my heart’s door shuts and I am alone with the Father. This can happen anywhere, at any time, in any location. Here are 3 “door shut/undone” moment’s I’d like to share with you. These have become like traditions to me, resurrection moments, and I want you to be a part of them as well.
I run regularly for exercise. One season, in particular, I was riddled with anxiety as I questioned what I was doing and why the Lord had me where I was. This began my knee-dropping, undone, running season. I would be out on a run and I would choose to fall to my knees. I didn’t know what to pray for, but I knew I could fall before God. When I’d fall to my knees, I’d pray “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.” I didn’t know what I wanted, but all I could do was fall to my knees and ask for mercy. My runs became my prayers. This grew in me a humbleness before God, not just in my mind, but in my body and spirit.
The posture of praying on my knees became an intimate place for me where I could feel His presence.
When I wasn’t running, I would get in my car, go for a drive just to think and pray. When I had enough driving, I would pull my car to the side of the road and drop to my knees in the middle of the road at 2:00 am. For me, being undone meant finding a wide-open space to simply humble myself before the Lord.
Many of our “undone” moment’s before the Lord go un-remembered. We vaguely remember because these moments can be so raw and honest it’s difficult to go back and harness emotions of the spot we were in. This is where voice memos have come in and transformed my ability to reflect and remember. There is a little app on most phones called “Voice Memos” where at the click of a button you can record anything. Many of my “undone” moments surface in my car. I have memories of crying before the Lord, screaming at the Lord, praising Him, and praying through so many situations. However, I don’t just have memories, I actually have recordings. I have learned a practice of clicking “record” when I find myself praying in the car. I can go back to voice recordings from years ago, hit play, and listen to my prayers and remember what the Lord has done. It’s extremely difficult to listen back to a voice recording and dismiss it like it never happened. When you hear your own anguish in your voice or pure joy in your words, you can literally feel the power each of your words carry. We tend to flippantly use our words and speak out quickly, only to forget what we’ve said. Voice memo-ing can give you deep insight to what you are believing about yourself, to what you are praying about, and to the reality that your words can bring either life or death.
I always wanted to dance before the Lord. But when it came down to it, I felt awkward. I didn’t want to be “undone” because I was afraid to be seen by God and be seen by others. Mostly, the fear of “Well, what if someone saw me and thought I was weird!” kept me at a safe distance. However, my desire for God was outgrowing my fear of man. When I lived in Michigan, I would go out and find an open field just to dance. While driving to my destination everything in me was pulling me back. Thoughts like these followed me as I drove: “This is a waste of time!” “You are so lame!” “Is this really worth it?” But the exhilarating feeling of being “undone” and dancing before the Lord truly does bring your body, mind, and spirit into deeper freedom. There is no formula for this. However, what helps me is taking what I know I love, like the ocean or open fields, and use those as my target. I believe God’s delight for me grows when he sees me dance in places that I already find beauty and freedom in.
My prompt to you is to get alone before the Father. Drive your car to the top of a mountain and sing your heart out. Get out on your bike at 2:00 am, feel the wind across your face, and then cry out to Him. Find the most beautiful meadow, lay down and receive the warmth of the One who created the sun. Wherever you find yourself this week, what is most important is this: Shut the door, get alone with the Father, and let yourself become undone.