I am a Father of two girls, so you can imagine how I talk to the team. We coaches have some very candid conversations with our kids about how we need to treat girls. Last week, I ran one of our kids longer than he wanted because he suggested that one of the cheerleaders was a bit too heavy. I want the kids to understand that what boys say to girls, and how girls are treated by boys, leaves a lasting imprint on them. Homecoming is an especially difficult time for girls.
Homecoming involves a lot more than just trying to win a game. I have seen first hand the anxiety girls feel over who gets “picked” to go to homecoming. We talk all week to the boys about the word “edify” and how it means to build someone up. We teach them the value and importance of making a girl feel good on campus. The girls are looking for acceptance. They want to be noticed. As a Playmaker, our kids will be taught how to be a young man of integrity. That means we will coach them on how to make homecoming a positive experience for a young lady.
One of the things we encourage our players to do is go to the girls’ softball or soccer games. My daughter plays college soccer, so I have some appreciation of what kind of athletes these soccer players are, and how tough that game really is. I want our girls on campus to see that we support them. Our football team will show up and cheer for our girls in a respectful manner. We do it because it is the right thing to do.
Mrs. Roz is also treated well and given respect because we coach that. The players are taught to ask me how my wife is. That begins with me asking the player, “How’s your Mom doing? Tell her I asked about her.”
Each day, we have opportunities to raise Moms up. Single Moms need this. Too often they get run over by sons who forget the huge job a Mom has in being “the entire family” for her son. Your son’s coach will help, if given the chance. Coaches today help fill that void. We men need to model to these boys how to treat women every day. Together, we can, and are, making a difference.
I get a first hand look at how boys see women in the weight room and on the field. T-shirts are worn (not on my team) that are called “wife beaters.” Songs are played (not by my team) telling about how women are abused in our culture. My job is to create a model for how a functional couple navigates through life. That is one of the reasons the kids come to my house. I want them to see us interact. As coaches, we show them in the best way we can how precious women are to us, and how they are to be treated.
A Playmakers coach can help by providing rules for dating. One of the things we tell our kids is, “Treat your date like she was Coach’s daughter.” We go a step further. I make it a point to meet the player’s girlfriend. I let it be known that if she is not treated well, just let Coach know. We do it in a fun manner, but I want the message to be clear: you will wear a trench into the track running if you mistreat a girl.
We teach the boys to treat their date with respect. In a perfect world, that is Dad’s job. It is so special when these lessons are taught by the man whose job it is in the first place. We Dads (almost 40%) have bailed out. We have left that job to someone else, or we have convinced ourselves that we can do it on weekends, or as a single parent.
As a Playmakers coach, we have to sub and fill in so the job gets done. There is so much work to be done to teach these boys about being a real man and what true masculinity is all about. Until the Dads come home with a plan, we will do the best we can.
www.ThePlaymakers.org
